Of Blazers and Sean Connery Impressions
by alovestorytoldincupsofcoffee
Summary: In Duets, Sam mentions he went to an all-boys school before McKinley. What if that was Dalton...? Set in Season 1.
1. Of New Kids and Introductions

**A/N Woah... what's this? A fic? Not only that, a multi-chapter, properly formatted (yep, totally not bitter about that) fic? I don't believe it! It's been a while since I wrote anything... The whole fiasco with my facebook fic kind of put me off for a while. I just felt like nothing I wrote was good enough... But never fear, I found my muse again (Klainette was at Pigfarts) and have started this! It won't be Blam, but... well, you'll just have to read it and find out! I'm also the worlds worst updater, so please don't have a go at me if I don't update for aaaaages. But I will try! I will! Um... I think that's it... Enjoy!**

**Tabitha x**

**Oh yeah and I don't own glee. *insert witty disclaimer***

* * *

"Sammy! Hey! Sammy!" Sam groaned and rolled over in his sleep. Maybe this annoying voice would go away if he left it long enough.

"SAM!"

He sat bolt upright, thoroughly pissed off. "Dude, what do you want?"

Jeff clapped his hands in delight. "Yay! You're awake!"

Sam rolled his eyes and fixed Jeff with his best "bitch, please" glare. "Yes, Jeff, I'm well aware. Now tell me _why_ you decided to wake me up!"

"Weeeell..." Jeff pondered, thinking deeply. "Um... I... I forgot!" Sam resisted the urge to slam his head against the wall at his infuriating best friend.

He sighed. "Well go away then!" Jeff bounded out the door and Sam flopped back down on his bed with a sigh. He loved Jeff, he really did, but he was such a child sometimes! He snuggled down under the duvet, and was just closing his eyes again, when Jeff stuck his head round the door.

"Hey! I remembered!" He shouted, "The Dean wants to see you in his office now, you're on New Kid duty!"

"WHAT?" Sam yelled. "And you didn't think to tell me this earlier?"

Jeff raised his hands defensively. "You were asleep!" Sam scrambled out of bed with a thump, cursing under his breath, and started to pull on his trousers. He suddenly noticed that his friend was still standing there, smirking at him.

"Dude, are you gonna watch me get dressed?"

Jeff sauntered away, as he did so, calling out "You'd like that, wouldn't you Evans!" Sam was about to make a comeback, but as he did so, he glanced at his watch.

"Shit shit shit!" He mumbled, throwing on his blazer and loosely wrapping his tie around his neck. Never mind, he would have time to do it on the way. Quickly checking in the mirror to make sure his hair didn't_ look_ like he had just got out of bed, he raced out the door, slamming it behind him.

Tying his tie as he went along, Sam half-walked, half-ran through the corridor. He would have to be quick if he wanted to make it to the Dean's office on time, as it was in the East Wing, all the way over the other side of the school. He paused as he saw a teacher turn the corner, giving her a polite nod, before checking over his shoulder to make sure she had gone and carried on running.

Skidding round a corner, he sighed in relief as he spotted the Dean's office up ahead. He knocked on the door, while trying to straighten his blazer before Dean Thomas saw him.

The door opened, revealing an amused looking Dean and a teenager who looked absolutely terrified.

"Mr Evans!" Dean Thomas boomed "So glad you got my message, and I hope we didn't wake you up..." He smiled; taking in Sam's dishevelled appearance.

Sam blushed, immediately aware of the state of his uniform, and subconsciously tried to smooth down his hair, which had started sticking up in clumps. "Ah, no Sir, not at all."

"Good, good." The Dean said warmly, clapping his hands. "Now, let me introduce you to our new transfer student from Westerville High, Blaine Anderson. Blaine, this is Sam Evans, one of our top students and a sophomore like yourself."

Sam reached out a hand, putting on his most charming smile. What he was not expecting, however, was Blaine to flinch slightly, as if he was about to be struck. A look of puzzlement crossed Sam's face, before Blaine's face turned a deep purple and he shook his hand quickly, pulling away as if he had been burnt.

"Sam, Blaine is going to be your new roommate." That made sense, seeing as how his old roommate, Matt, had moved to Lima last summer.

"Blaine, Sam will show you to all your classes and look after you until you have found your feet here at Dalton." The Dean continued, "I hope you enjoy your time here, you will find Dalton a very welcoming place."

Blaine nodded. "T-Thank you Sir." He stuttered.

"Speaking of which" The Dean said, checking his watch, "Hadn't you be getting to your first class?"

With a brief nod, Sam walked out, signalling for Blaine to follow. Just as they were leaving, Dean Thomas called out "Oh, and Sam? Look after him."

Sam raised a hand in acknowledgement. "Will do, Sir." He stepped out the room, and turned to look at Blaine. For the first time he was able to take in his appearance. He was handsome, with wildly curly hair that had been slicked back with a mountain of gel. He looked incredibly nervous, as if he thought Sam was going to hit him.

Remembering the way the boy had flinched when he shook his hand, Sam decided that he had better be sensitive. Unfortunately, this was not his forte.

"So, Westerville, huh?" He asked, not really knowing how to start a conversation with the boy. "What's it like there? I don't know, I've never been to public school..."

Blaine gave a non-committal shrug and looked at his shoes. "It's alright."

Not put off by his monosyllabic answers, Sam struggled on with attempting to make conversation. "Are there many hot chicks? 'Cause the worst thing about going to all-boys schools your whole life is you never meet any girls. Except when the Crawford Country Day girls come down, but even then, I never know what to say to them. You know what I mean?"

By now, Blaine was looking determinedly at the floor, muttering something incomprehensible. Sam gave up. If he didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to make him. But there was definitely more to Blaine than meets the eye...

"So, what's your first class?" He asked cheerfully, grabbing Blaine's timetable.

"French with Mackenzie? Ouch..." Sam visibly winced. "Still, that's with me and the guys, so we'll look after you! Just don't ask us to conjugate verbs for you..."

Blaine looked at him quizzically. "The guys?"

Sam laughed. "You'll meet them soon enough. Just a warning though, they're not what you'd call... sane." Laughing at the expression on Blaine's face, he continued, "No, seriously, they're great dudes, really cool. Just a bit mad... Come on, you don't want to be late for your first class." And with that, he grabbed Blaine's hand and dragged him down the hallway.

To say Blaine was surprised was the understatement of the century. He had heard about Dalton and its zero-tolerance policy, of course, that was the reason he had come here in the first place. He just didn't expect everyone to be so, well, nice. Sam had been so friendly, and here he was, _holding his hand _down the corridor. Of course, that wasn't technically what he was doing; more dragging him by his arm, but it was still a nice change.

_Yes, but that won't last, _a little voice in his head told him, _not when he finds out. Everything will go back to how it was at Westerville: you'll be Blaine Anderson, the weird gay kid with the stupid hair. _He told himself to shut up, instead focusing on the school around him. It really was beautiful, with the huge marble staircases and the oak-panelled rooms. _I could be happy here, _he thought to himself, and for the first time, allowed a smile to cross his face.

It turned out that Blaine was just as bad at French as the rest of them. He had always hated it at Westerville, but even though the teacher was awful, it was somehow... different here. Sam's friends were really nice, and people actually tried to include him in conversation, instead of ignoring him or laughing at everything he said. It was almost fun, watching... David? David doing impressions of the teacher behind his back, and then his other friend, Wes, he thought it was, scolding David for "disrespecting his elders".

As the bell rang to signify the end of fourth period, Blaine pretended to put his stuff away, when in actual fact he was completely freaking out. He had always hated lunchtimes, no-one would ever want to sit with him, and he would almost always end up trying to hide from the jocks. He didn't know how it would work here, but he did know that everyone would have their own cliques, and he would end up being the outsider just like–

"Blaine? You coming, dude?" Sam was waiting by the door, looking concerned.

Nodding hurriedly, he stuffed the rest of his belongings into his bag and followed Sam into the canteen. Maybe it seemed that someone did want him after all?

"Right, guys, listen up." Sam said, standing on a chair in order to make himself heard. The rest of his friends were lounging about around a table, eating various different sandwiches (and in Thad's case, a whole... wait, what was that thing? Sam decided he didn't want to know.) "Blainers here," He turned to Blaine. "Do you mind if I call you Blainers?" Blaine shook his head. "Cool, anyway, Blainers here is new, and he doesn't know any of you yet. So, I'm going to formally introduce you."

Here he jumped off the chair and began walking around the circle. "This here is Wes. He's a control freak –"

"HEY!"

"– And his life's ambition is to be a member of the Warbler Council. He's obsessed with his gavel –"

"Don't insult Mr Bang-Bang!" Blaine looked at him like he had just burst into flames.

"Just... don't ask. And he's in a secret relationship with David!" Blaine stared at Sam, open-mouthed. _Wait, these guys are cool with this? They can just... joke about it, and not get offended? _Blaine immediately decided he would like to live at Dalton for the rest of his life. _And what's the Warbler Council? _Just as he was contemplating this, Wes decided to interrupt Sam for the third time.

"We're not in a secret relationship, we're –"

Sam waved for him to sit down. "Yes, heterosexual life partners, we know. Are you going to let me continue or what?" The two boys sat down, and David could be sworn to mutter something that sounded like "just an epic bromance..."

"And this is David, Wes' best friend and Mario Kart extraordinaire. He is also the only one of us who can successfully do a backflip, and has a Red Vines addiction."

"They're totally awesome!"

"And an A Very Potter Musical addiction. This is Thad, who will eat anything and everything, and currently holds the record for the amount of marshmallows eaten in one minute." Thad stuck out his chest proudly.

"Which brings us to the final two members of our posse –" Nick snorted.

"Okay, never saying that again, um, Nick and Jeff! Also known as Niff or the Weasley twins.

"And they love pulling pranks on anyone and everyone, although they usually involve Wes' gavel... Uh, Jeff is possibly the most cuddly person ever, and Nick... well, he's just Nick. They also have a habit of making out during Warbler practice... Wes _really _hates that..."

_Wait, what? _Blaine's brain had gone into overdrive. _They're okay with that? I never thought... They're just sitting there, holding hands, and no-one's judging them? They can talk about it like, like it's nothing! This is too much... I can't... _

"It's inappropriate!" Came the cry from the other side of the table.

Fixing Wes with an evil glare, Sam continued. "And we're all in The Warblers, which is our school's totally awesome show choir! Got all that Blaine? Blaine?"

Blaine promptly burst into tears. Great, heaving sobs racked his body, and hot tears poured down his face.

"Whoa there, Blaine? Dude, what's the matter?" Sam placed a concerned hand on his shoulder.

"I think you broke him..." Nick whispered in Jeff's ear. He nodded, and looked over at Blaine, who was still sobbing uncontrollably.

Then Wes did something that surprised everyone. He spun Blaine round so he was facing him and enveloped the boy in a massive bear hug. He sobbed into Wes' shoulder as he patted his hair, whispering words of comfort into his ear. One by one, the other boys slowly stood up, awkwardly wrapping their arms around Blaine, until the entire group was holding him.

This shocked Blaine so much, the fact that these boys who he had just met actually _cared _about him, that he stopped crying and pulled away, frowning.

"Blaine." Jeff said soothingly "What's the matter? Did we do something wrong?"

"N-No." Blaine sniffed "It's just... you're all being so nice to me." Here he stared at the floor, as the last tear dripped off his nose. "I guess... I guess I'm just not used to that."

He looked up and noticed that the group was staring at him, stunned into silence. _Great_, he thought, _now you've scare them off with your freakishness. Good job, Anderson._ He stood up sharply, a red flush creeping up his neck as he felt all eyes on him.

"I have to go..." And with that he turned and bolted out the door.

The entire group turned to look at Sam.

"Way to go, Evans." Nick broke the tension.

"It's not my fault! I was just trying to be friendly and welcoming!" Sam threw up his hands in desperation.

"He's obviously troubled..." Thad remarked thoughtfully. This earned him a slap on the head from Wes.

"No fucking way, Sherlock. Look, someone needs to go after him." All eyes turned to Sam.

"What?"

"He's your roommate." Jeff pointed out. "And technically, this is all your fault."

Sam sighed in resignation. "Fine, I'll do it. And Thad? Don't steal my lunch while I'm gone."

The boy immediately retracted his hand from Sam's lunchbox, blushing sheepishly. "Sorry dude..."

"Blaine?" Sam rapped on the door. "Dude, you in there?" He was about to go all CSI and barge down the door (just another fantasy of his), when a sound made him stop short. The melodic strumming of a guitar and a beautiful voice floated through the door.

"_There it goes, another one is gone_

_Another try, another one is wrong_

_Where to go?_

_What is there to say, here?"_

Sam's jaw hit the floor. Was that... Blaine?

"_No one knows, I've never really felt_

_Good about the hand that I've been dealt_

_What kind of game is this anyway?_

_Here..."_

This kid was talented. _Really _talented. But the thing that made his voice so compelling, the thing that kept Sam rooted to the floor outside Blaine's dorm room, was the pure emotion in his voice. It was like he was pouring out all the pain, the hurt, the loneliness into his music.

"_I want to make a statement_

_About the pictures and their awful placement_

_And I want everyone to see it too..._

_I've tried to be someone but I don't know how_

_I don't know how_

_And I've tried to be the one_

_But it's over now_

_It's over now..._

Sam pressed his ear to the door harder, trying to hear more clearly. Unfortunately, he pushed a bit too hard, and the door slid open with a creak.

_I can see the lonel –"_

The voice suddenly stopped. Sam was about to turn back and leave Blaine in peace when he heard a shaky "Come in."

Taking a deep breath (because really, he was no good at this) Sam entered the room.

"Hi, Sam" Blaine said dully.

Sam sat down on the boy's bed and wrapped an arm around him. "Dude, are you going to tell me what the matter is?"

Blaine refused to look at him.

"Come on dude, it can't be that bad. And I'm not going to judge you whatever it is."

Blaine took a shaky breath. "Well... What I said was true. I'm just not used to having people being nice to me. And I ran out because I couldn't stand you all staring at me... Like I was some sort of freak!"

Sam looked at him for what seemed like an hour. And then, he said softly, "Blaine... What exactly was it like at your old school?"

Blaine raised his head and looked Sam in the eye. "Honestly? It was awful. I would get tossed in a dumpster every single day, I would get pushed into lockers, nobody would even _speak _to me and it took me getting beaten within an inch of my life for my parents to recognise how bad it was and send me here!"

Sam was lost for words. _How could anyone go through all that? _He wondered. But finally, he regained the ability to talk and asked the question that had been lurking at the back of his mind. "But why? Why would they _do _things like that?"

Blaine let out a short, humourless laugh. "Because I'm gay, that's why."

It took all Sam's strength not to break down and cry. _He really thought we were going to judge him? _He wondered incredulously, _No wonder, if that's how people have treated him in the past... _"Dude..." He said "You do realise there's a zero-tolerance-no-bullying policy here? Everyone gets treated the same, no matter what they are. And anyhow, you'd be surprised at how many people there are here who were in the same situation as you. Nick, for one." He nodded at the surprised look on Blaine's face. "Yeah, we're not all posh prep school boys with too much money and time on our hands."

Blaine bit back a small laugh. "Thanks. You've no idea how much that means to me, to have someone in my life other than Cooper who actually accepts me... But I have to say, I'm really sorry."

Sam frowned at him, puzzled. "For what?"

Blaine sighed. "Breaking down like that in front of you all. Stalking away rudely when you were only trying to help. And now, spilling all my deepest darkest secrets when I've only just met you! You must think I'm crazy..."

"You? Crazy?" Sam chuckled "Wait until you see the Warblers drunk... Oh! That reminds me!" He snapped his fingers, leaping off the bed. "Come with me!"

Blaine cocked his head to the side. "Where?"

Sam grinned. "The Warblers are holding auditions. If we're quick, we might just get there in time."

Blaine held his hands up in protest. "Oh no... No."

Sam raised one eyebrow. "Don't you "no" me, come on, I heard you through that door. You are _incredible, _dude! You my friend, are auditioning for the Warblers whether you like it or not!"

Blaine rolled his eyes and followed Sam out of the room. One thing was for sure, he was going to have a _very _interesting year...

* * *

**Ok, I'll admit it. I'm in love with Mother hen!Wes. Just a note, that whole crazy-introductions thing that Sam did? That actually happened to me when I started at my new school. One of my friends jumped on a chair and introduced them by revealing all their weird habits... We're totally normal :)**


	2. Of Warbler Auditions and The Council

**A/N Hello again! Just to say, thanks for all the favourites and alerts! Also, big shout-out to BlackKeys96 and katnissisepic for reviewing! Virtual hugs to both of you! A couple of notes about this story: Sam hasn't dyed his hair - he said he only did it when he came to McKinley, the Warblers didn't have a gavel until Wes gets voted into the council, and I own nothing except my OCs! Please remember to review! Also on a completely unrelated note: Olympic Opening Ceremony tonight! So excited! Although, I will be severely disappointed if David Tennant doesn't come running on in full Doctor get-up to finish the relay... Yeah, just the obsessive fangirl coming out in me... (but if I wasn't an obssesive fangirl, why would I be here in the first place?)**

* * *

Blaine rubbed the palms of his hands together nervously. _What a stupid idea, _he thought, _who talked me into this? Oh right, Sam. Bet he just wants to see me fall on my face._ But something about the brunette's cheerful wave told Blaine that was not the case. As he was looking around the room, Blaine spotted three boys sitting at a vast wooden table at the front of the choir room.

"That's the Warbler Council." Sam whispered in his ear. "Every year we elect three upperclassmen to lead it. They're responsible for any decision making, song selections, anything really."

Blaine turned to face him. "Are they as... you know..."

Sam laughed. "Mad as the rest of us? Oh yes. We all are here. But they're in charge, so you'd better respect them. That's Derek, on the left, the one with the notepad. Josh, on the right, and Toby in the middle. Wes hero-worships him." Blaine chuckled, glancing over at Wes, who was currently engaging in a heated debate with Thad about the fact that the former carried his gavel around wherever he went; claiming it was "preparation".

"For what?" Thad snorted "The lunatic asylum?" Instead of replying, Wes shushed him, as Toby had got up to speak. Suddenly the whole room went quiet.

Toby started to speak. "Hi, guys, and welcome all of you to the 164th annual Warbler Auditions!" This was met with a round of cheering.

"And may the odds be ever in your favour!" whispered Jeff. This caused Wes to hit him over the head with his gavel.

"Ow! Dude!" Jeff whined, rubbing his head.

"Then you should respect your elders and betters!" hissed Wes.

Toby waved for the cheering to die down, giving a mock bow. "Please remember to treat all the candidates with that Dalton respect and... whatever else I'm told I'm apparently required by law to say! First on the list, Flint Wilson!" There was a polite round of applause and the boy slowly stood up. _Oh great, _Blaine thought, _Now I have to watch all these other amazing performances before I totally embarrass myself in front of all these incredibly good looking... boys!_

Blaine thought it wasn't possible for him to get any more nervous than he already was. Well, he was wrong. After watching an outstanding version of Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, he was just about ready to throw in the towel. After sitting through a, quite frankly, disturbing rendition of Maxwell's Silver Hammer (during which Jeff looked pointedly at Wes and his gavel) followed by someone ruthlessly murdering Lady Gaga's Poker Face, he was such a nervous wreck that by the time Toby called out "Blaine Anderson" he was desperately wishing for the floor to swallow him whole.

"Right, Blaine." Toby looked at him kindly. "What song are you going to sing for us?"

"The Cave by Mumford and Sons." He said quietly. "Would it be alright if I could use my guitar?"

Toby looked at him in surprise. Nobody had ever requested to use an instrument before. "Yeah, sure. Hit us."

Blaine picked up his guitar, trying to make it seem like his hands weren't shaking with nerves. He caught Sam's eye and the boy gave him a thumbs up. This was all Blaine needed. He began to play.

"_It's empty in the valley of your heart_

_The sun it rises, slowly as you walk_

_Away from all the fears_

_An all the faults you've left behind_

_But I will hold on hope_

_And I won't let you choke_

_On the noose around your neck_

_And I'll find strength in pain_

_And I will change my ways_

_I'll know my name as it's called again_

_So come out of your cave walking on your hands_

_And see the world hanging upside down_

_You can understand dependence_

_When you know the maker's land  
_

_So make your siren's call_

_And sing all you want_

_I will not hear what you have to say  
_

_Cause I need freedom now_

_And I need to know how_

_To live my life as it's meant to be  
_

_And I will hold on hope_

_And I won't let you choke_

_On the noose around your neck  
_

_And I'll find strength in pain_

_And I will change my ways_

_I'll know my name as it's called again!"_

Blaine finished with a final strum, before lifting his head to gage the reaction. _I just hope they don't laugh me off the stage, _he prayed, looking around desperately. But rather than cruel laughter (which he had been dreading) or kind words of rejection (which he had been expecting) there was only silence. The entire room was staring at him. Blaine was just about to stand up and leave, when Toby regained the ability of speech.

"Wow... Blaine..." For the first time the Warbler was lost for words. "All I can say is welcome to the Warblers!" This seemed to stun the rest of the room back to reality, and before Blaine knew it they were on their feet, cheering him.

"Hey, Sam!" Jeff shouted. "Looks like you might have some competition this year!"

Blaine looked at him, puzzled. "Competition?"

"Yeah," Jeff replied "Our Sammy's the lead soloist!"

Sam shrugged and looked at the floor modestly. "It's no big deal."

"Aw Sammy..." David ruffled his hair. "So modest!"

"Anyway!" Sam said, eager to divert the attention away from him. "What about Blaine? That was some serious singing, dude!" The rest of the group nodded in agreement, and Wes and David wrapped their arms around a struggling Blaine.

"We're so proud of you, Blainers!"

Sam chuckled "Sorry, Blaine, they seem to have adopted you. Oi, guys, lay off him!" he addressed this last comment to Wes and David, who were cooing over a slightly shell-shocked Blaine. "Sit down, the meeting's about to start again!" This had the desired effect on Wes, who hurriedly sat down, yanking Blaine and David down with him.

"Right then!" Toby clapped his hands. "Now that's out of the way, we can now get onto the next item on the agenda: song selection for sectionals. Or as I like to call it, the SSS. Anyone got any ideas? And before I ask, no Cameron, I absolutely veto Don't Cha!" The dark-haired boy sheepishly lowered his hand. A devilish grin spread across Jeff's face.

"What about –"

"Or "Just Had Sex"! Jeffrey..."

Jeff shrugged "Worth a shot..." he whispered to his boyfriend who slapped him playfully on the arm.

Toby sighed in exasperation. "Any _sensible _suggestions? Sam?"

The boy shrugged. "Well, first I think we should decide what angle we want to go for. Should we be retro, sexy, fun, moving, what are the judges looking for? Once we've decided that, we can choose the right songs." He looked over at the council, and saw them nodding in agreement, Derek scribbling away on that notepad of his.

"I think Warbler Sam has brought up a valid point." Said Toby "The Council will decide what theme we will do for Sectionals and bring it up at the next meeting. Is that everything?"

Josh spoke up "Oh, by the way, it's Movie Night tonight, so we're all meeting in Sam's room! Bring food!" This was met with a chorus of cheers.

"Meeting adjourned!"

Blaine looked over at Wes, who was grumbling under his breath.

"Don't mind him." Sam draped an arm around his shoulder. "He just thinks that Warbler meetings could be vastly improved if they had a gavel."

"They would be so much more ordered!" The boy protested. "When I'm on the Council, it will be my first act of office."

"Who do you think you are, the President?" Thad quipped. Wes hit him on the back of the head.

"One does not simply _mock _Mr Bang-Bang!" he hissed.

Blaine laughed. "Sorry Wes, but it's hard not to with a name like Mr Bang-Bang..."

To Blaine's surprise, rather than replying huffily like he was expecting, Wes hugged him round the middle and squealed to David, "Davy look! Our Blainers has found his funny!" David pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.

"Well done, dude!" Sam hi fived him. "You really are one of us..."

That was the nicest thing anyone could have possibly said to Blaine. _Finally_, he thought, _I have... friends._

"Come on," Sam said, snapping him out of his reverie. "Niff have been _dying _to give you the full "Warbler Orientation", and I didn't want to deny them any longer. Just a warning... Be prepared."

"For what?"

Sam looked him in the eye with mock-seriousness. "Insanity."


	3. Of Minidresses and Movie Nights

**A/N Helloooo you sexy people ;) I'm back! Miss me? *no-one answers* Oh. Ok then. *waves awkwardly* Yep, I was gone, but now I'm here, and a week late. Oops. See, I thought I had this chapter all done and dusted, but when I came back and typed it up... It was way too short. Especially as I just got a review saying they like the longer chapters. So then I had to think of a way to make this longer, and let's just say that the ending was a complete b*tch to write. Please tell me what you thought, even if what you think is bad things. You know how to do that? There's a little box, right at the bottom of the page...**

**This one contains crack. A lot of crack. Some angst (not a lot though) and a wee bit of fluff if you squint. Rated T for some swearing and a miniscule amount of making out**

* * *

"No. No way." Blaine's voice came floating through the door.

"Blaine, you have to wear it." Jeff sighed in exasperation, sharing a look with his boyfriend. "And besides, if you don't, I'll... I'll... tell the Council?" he finished lamely. "Look, the point is, it's part of your orientation. You have to run around campus wearing it."

The door swung open to reveal a fuming Blaine standing in the doorway with his arms folded. The boys tried hastily to stifle a laugh.

"Oh Blainers, you look lovely!"

Blaine was wearing a pink, flowery mini-dress that was just a bit too tight on him. He turned to face Nick and Jeff with a murderous glare.

"What do you mean, run around campus?" he said slowly.

"Yep, you heard me right." continued Jeff cheerfully, oblivious to the dirty looks Blaine was sending his way. "Every new Warbler has to do it."

Blaine gestured to his bare arms and legs. "I don't know, I feel kind of exposed..."

Nick laughed. "_You _feel exposed? When I joined the Warblers, Jeff here had me run around naked!"

"I just wanted to see your gorgeous body." he teased, winking seductively.

"And you have done..." replied Nick, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's lips. Jeff smiled into the kiss, thrusting his tongue into the other boy's mouth. Nick let out a moan, before inadvertently letting his hands wander south –

"Ahem." Blaine was standing behind the couple, wearing an expression of extreme amusement. "Much as I would love to stand here and watch you two make out in my doorway –"

"The offer of a threesome is always open..." Jeff muttered with a smirk, earning him a playful slap on the head from his boyfriend.

"– Isn't there an orientation we have to get to? He asked.

The two boys looked at him for a moment before they burst out laughing.

"We're sorry..." Nick gasped.

"It's just it's impossible –"Jeff giggled.

"– To take you seriously –" Nick chuckled.

"– Dressed like that!" They finished, clutching onto one another for support.

Blaine flushed a deep scarlet. "Come on, let's get this over with. If I'm going to die, I may as well die with dignity."

"And wearing a dress..." Jeff sniggered. And the glare that Blaine shot him was so powerful; he let out a squeak and cowered behind Nick, whimpering "scary hobbit..."

Blaine strode out the main entrance, trying to make it seem like he couldn't care less that his attire consisted of Thad's favourite dress. In actual fact, his face was burning with embarrassment. _Why did I agree to do this? _He thought desperately, _I just want to crawl into a hole and die. Preferably one with snakes. _It felt like the eyes of the entire student body were on him, pointing and laughing at this freak in a dress. He felt them boring into him, judging him, waiting for the right moment to pounce – _Snap out of it, _he told himself, _this isn't Westerville High. This is Dalton. Where they have a _zero-tolerance no-bullying policy_. You can do this. Just keep walking, just keep walking... Hey! Now is no time to be singing Disney songs! _So he gritted his teeth and carried on walking.

_Come on, _he thought to himself, staring resolutely forward, _do this and you'll have earned their respect. That's all you want, right? All you've ever wanted..._

_Yeah, way to earn their respect_, a little voice in the back of his head piped up. _Parade around in a dress... _Blaine sternly told it to shut up and dragged his gaze upwards, forcing himself not to look at anything but the marble arch at the end of the corridor, and trying not to let his utter mortification show.

"You have to admit, the kid's got guts." remarked Sam as the Warblers watched (and tried not to laugh at) Blaine doing his "super awesome and incredibly funny initiation" (or so it had been dubbed by Trent)

"What, are you his mentor now or something? Haymitch Sam, trying to protect ickle Blainers Everdeen from the big bad careers?" asked Josh sarcastically.

Sam chuckled. "Very funny, dude. But let me ask you: Who would you say are the "big, bad careers" as you put it?"

Josh looked him in the eye. "Isn't it obvious? Wes and his pet gavel."

This elicited an outraged gasp from Wes. "Mr Bang-Bang is not a _pet_! He is –"

"Your one true love?" asked Josh dryly. This made Wes clap his hands over the gavel and whisper something that sounded suspiciously like "don't listen to the nasty man, baby..."

"Blaine has _really _nice legs..." murmured Jeff, causing Nick to stop laughing at Wes and grab hold of Jeff from behind, muttering darkly. Sam resisted the urge to sigh at his friends' stupidity. _Ah well, _he thought, _at least having Blaine around will mean another slightly less insane person around here... _He was so wrapped up in his musings that he didn't notice that Blaine had almost reached the choir room.

"Oh shit..." he cursed, grabbing the nearest Warbler by the blazer. "Come on, we have to get to the choir room!"

David smirked. "Does our life depend on it?" In response, Sam yanked the boy's tie forward.

"Blaine's almost there and we haven't prepared yet!"

The boys hastily scrambled through the crowd, pushing past students in their rush. Hurtling towards the choir room, Sam glanced over his shoulder to check that Blaine was nowhere in sight. He let out a sigh of relief. They still had time... Suddenly he realised that the Council weren't with them. _They must have_ _gone ahead early, without anyone noticing. Sly devils. _He turned to see that Nick and Jeff were standing behind him, watching expectantly.

"Go! Meet him at the door!" he hissed, shooing the two boys away. "_Go!_"

They skidded round the corner and just had time to pretend they had been there all along (or in Jeff's case, fix his hair), when Blaine came jogging down the hall. The boy was beetroot red, yet he was still trying to clutch to what little sense of dignity he had left. He slid to a halt and held his hands up in resignation.

"There, I'm done." he sighed in relief. "Now, can I take this thing off?" Finally, the humiliating ordeal was over, and he could rip this abomination to fashion off his body. Not to mention, it was causing some unmentionable chafing...

Nick and Jeff exchanged glances, each trying to hold back a smile. Blaine looked from one Cheshire-cat grin to the other and groaned.

"There's more, isn't there?"

They nodded simultaneously.

"Well, can I at least change first?"

"Um, let me think about it..."Jeff stroked his imaginary beard. "Nope."

Blaine groaned again and his shoulders visibly sagged. "Whatever. I really should stop being so surprised by you.

"Step right this way Mr Anderson." said Nick with the air of a Bond villain.

"And accept your fate..." added Jeff ominously, before swinging open the door to the choir room with a creak.

"Hello?" Blaine asked shakily into the pitch black. His breathing was rapid, getting shallower and he was slowly starting to panic. _Deep breath_, he told himself,_ stay calm, count to ten._ But it was no use. He could feel the flashbacks coming on, flashbacks of fists flying at him out of the night, of the awful crunch of bones and the sickly sweet stench of blood, of cruel mocking voices taunting: "Get up, homo! Go on! What's the matter?" of Ellis lying motionless on the sidewalk in a pool of his own blood... He was all alone in the night; there was no-one coming to save him, no-one –

"AAAARGH!" Trent and David jumped at him, causing Blaine to yelp and leap about a foot in the air. They each held buckets, and Blaine wondered for a second what could be in them, but it was soon clear, as he was caked head to toe with glitter. There was glitter everywhere, in his hair, in his mouth, covering his arms and legs. There were even a few flakes clinging to his eyelashes. Opening his eyes gingerly, he turned around to see Trent and David grinning maniacally. At least, that's what he thought they were doing, it really was hard to see properly when the world looked all sparkly.

They waved, and gestured for him to turn around. He gave another small squeak of surprise as three flashlights flickered on, illuminating the three council members with a spooky glow. It crossed Blaine's mind that the three seemingly normal seniors maybe the biggest lunatics of them all. _Well you'd have to be, _he chuckled to himself, _to be in charge of this lot. _

"Blaine Warbler." Toby announced in what he liked to call his "Dumbledore voice"

"We have summoned you here for the final part of your orientation into the old and prestigious organisation that is the Dalton Academy Warblers."

"You must recite the oath as set down by our forefathers." continued Derek seriously. Blaine wondered for a minute if these guys were for real. He quickly deduced that they were, just clinically insane.

Toby held up a hand. "Repeat after me. I pledge allegiance."

Blaine was reminded forcefully of School of Rock. However, he decided to humour them. "I pledge allegiance." he repeated, with as much seriousness as he could muster.

"To the Dalton Academy Warblers."

"To the Dalton Academy Warblers."

"And will promise to uphold their noble and grand traditions."

"And will promise to uphold their noble and grand traditions."

"I will also try my very hardest when performing."

"I will also try my very hardest when performing."

"And work as a team with other members of the group without complaint."

"And work as a team with other members of the group without complaint."

"I will not leak setlists, choreography, etc. to rival glee clubs."

Here Blaine raised an incredulous eyebrow, because, seriously, who would do that? Yet he still repeated the sentence. "I will not leak setlists, choreography, etc. to rival glee clubs."

"And I understand that to do so will mean immediate expulsion from the Warblers."

"And I understand that to do so will mean immediate expulsion from the Warblers."

"I understand that the Council's word is law." Blaine had to try not to laugh out loud at this one. Especially as out of the corner of his eye he could see Wes staring at Toby with what could only be described as pure admiration and awe.

"I understand that the Council's word is law." he managed to get out.

"And that any personal disputes must be settled outside of meetings."

"And that any personal disputes must be settled outside of meetings." Blaine finished.

Toby broke into a huge smile and the lights flickered on. "Then you're officially one of us! Think of us as your crazy, loving, extra-ordinarily talented family!"

The room broke into a round of applause, the boys cheering and whooping. Blaine looked at his feet, not used to the attention, and all too conscious that he was covered in glitter and resembled Professor Umbridge from A Very Potter Sequel.

"C'mere you." Sam motioned to Blaine, holding his arms open. Blaine hesitantly gave the boy an awkward hug. Unfortunately, the rest of the Warblers seemed to take this as a cue to pile into Sam's arms, effectively trapping Blaine in the middle. Later on he would jokingly complain about David's elbow poking him in the face, or becoming all too acquainted with Derek's back, but right now he was too happy to care.

Extricating himself from the tangle of arms and legs that were the Warblers, Sam jumped onto a table and cleared his throat.

"Hey, everyone?" he began. No-one took any notice of him. "HEY!" That got their attention. "If you've all finished suffocating Blaine..." The boys looked sheepishly at one another and Sam could just make out Blaine's arm waving good-naturedly from underneath the mass of boys.

"It's time for movie night! My room, now!" There was a scuffle, and the room quickly emptied, leaving a very dazed Blaine sitting on the floor.

"What... just happened?" he asked, shaking his head.

Sam helped him to his feet. "Don't worry, it's a lot like that at the beginning. You'll get used to it."

Blaine laughed nervously. "I don't think anyone could."

Sam made a face. "Ain't that the truth."

Ten minutes later, the majority of the Warblers were sprawled across Blaine and Sam's room, chatting lazily and armed with enough snacks to feed a small army.

"NO, Jeff!" Nick shouted in exasperation.

"But why not?" retaliated Jeff, sticking his bottom lip out petulantly.

"What are they arguing about?" Blaine whispered to Sam.

"Which movie we're going to watch tonight."

Blaine looked at him incredulously. "Nick and Jeff, the most sickly sweet cavity-inducing couple I have ever met, and they're fighting about a _movie_?"

"Yeah." nodded Sam, before whispering in Blaine's ear again. "And the funny thing is, they don't know that the Council already picked out the film beforehand."

"So they're –"

"– Fighting about nothing? Yeah. But it's quite entertaining, really." Blaine looked around, noticing that almost all the eyes in the room were watching the couple, looking extremely amused. Thad had even broken into the popcorn.

"Because it's lame and stupid and _boring_!" Nick shouted.

Jeff gasped dramatically. "Mamma Mia is _not_ lame!" he said through gritted teeth. "And anyway, you're one to talk, you wanted to watch Mean Girls!" Blaine had to try really hard not to laugh. But then he caught Sam's eye and it was all over. Slowly turning to face the two helpless boys, Nick and Jeff fixed them with a glare.

"What, may we ask, is so funny?" They said in unison. "They're two perfectly respectable films." This just made them howl louder, tears of laughter streaming down their faces.

Ignoring the two boys, Jeff sighed and grabbed Nick's hand. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. Forgive me?"

Nick nodded and pressed Jeff's hand to his lips. "Only if you forgive me. And besides, I don't really care what movie we watch, as long as I get to snuggle up next to you."

Jeff let out a small "aw" and kissed his boyfriend. They stayed like that for some time, the kiss getting more and more heated, until they were interrupted by a cushion hitting Nick on the back of the head.

"Ow!" he said indignantly. "That hurt!"

"That's what she said..." Trent mumbled. Nick promptly took the cushion and threw it back at Trent.

"Shut up, Nixon."

"Touché, Duval. Now are we going to watch this movie or what?" he smirked, raising one eyebrow.

"Um, in case you haven't noticed, we haven't chosen a movie yet!"

Toby pinched the bridge of his nose. _Why do I always feel like a harassed parent? _He sighed to himself.

"Actually, guys, we have. While you two were having your little _domestic_ over there," Here he looked pointedly at Nick and Jeff, who had the good grace to look ashamed.

"The council were deciding on the movie selection. And tonight we are watching... Avatar!"

Everyone groaned simultaneously, all apart from Sam, who leaped off the bed and started doing some sort of weird victory dance. It involved a lot of fist-pumping.

"Seriously?" David asked. "Again? Sam here's already made us sit through it about fifty times." Toby shrugged nonchalantly.

"And he recites the words along with the film. Every. Single. Line." Jeff added.

Toby shrugged again. "Not my problem."

Nick cocked his head to one side. "I swear you just like torturing us." Toby inspected his nails. A thought suddenly occurred to Nick. "He bribed you with Red Vines, didn't he?"

"Nga kea wintxu tsa'u." **(1)**

Putting his head in his hands, Nick started to sob. "He's speaking Na'vi! Fucking Na'vi!" His boyfriend put a consoling hand on his shoulder.

Recovering, Nick took a deep breath. "Fine. But any Na'vi, or mouthing along to the movie, or _anything_... I'm gagging you with Trent's tie."

"Why mine?" Trent asked, put out. Nick ignored his question.

Sam folded his arms, nodded sullenly, and sat back down.

"Right, now that's out the way..." Toby shook his head. "Let Movie Night commence!"

* * *

**(1) _You can't prove that. _Very rough translation. Yep, it's actual Na'vi people! On another note, who here has heard about the Klaine possible break up? IT WON'T HAPPEN! KLAINE IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE ENDGAME! Review if you agree with me... And even if you don't...**


	4. Of Girls and Choreography

**A/N Don't worry, I'm not dead! I just... didn't feel like writing. Like, really didn't. There's so much shit going on in my life at the moment, I... Well, I won't bore you with the details. What matters is I'm back, and I hope you enjoy this chapter (it's my longest yet!) Special shout-out to _gotta B writing_, you always leave lovely reviews that help to make this story better! Thank yoooooou! See that. Lovely REVIEWS. *cough* not obvious at all, Tabitha *cough* Oh yeah, and I hate Sky. Hate them with a passion. NO GLEE TILL JANUARY! WHY, RUPERT MURDOCH, WHY?**

* * *

It had been two weeks since the notorious "Warbler Initiation" and Blaine could safely say that Dalton had become the home he never had. Granted, he still flinched every time someone slammed a locker, and the Warblers were sometimes a bit... over-zealous and insensitive, but they meant well and really were great guys. He quickly found firm (if slightly crazy) friends in the Warblers, especially Sam, Jeff, Nick, Wes and David. But crazy was what he needed. He hadn't spoken to his parents since his transfer, and frankly, he didn't want to. His dad wasted no opportunity to tell him how much of a disappointment he was, and his mother was too scared to say any different. There was no use phoning his brother: Cooper was in L.A and basically unreachable. Home life had become a living hell, and Dalton was a much-needed escape and remedy.

Rehearsals were intense to say the least. The Council had them working to the bone for their performance at the local girls' school, Crawford Country Day, learning harmonies and choreography for hours. After one particularly bad session, they had all sat round in Thad's room complaining about their various injuries.

"I think I may be dead." Wes moaned. "Seriously, I'll never learn this choreography!" This was true. Just that day, after hearing Wes remind him about the merits of the two-step shuffle for the umpteenth time, Josh, the group's lead dancer had snapped and stormed out, screaming:

"I give up! Wesley, if these dance moves are too challenging for you, we'll just sit on stools if that would be more your level!" He then proceeded to tell him exactly where to stick his two-step shuffle. And after realising that their choreographer had thrown an artistic wobbly, Toby had to send Derek in with coffee.

"When I'm head council member, our routines will consist of as little dancing as possible!" Wes confirmed. This was met with a mumble of assent.

"I think my vocal chords are broken." mused Sam, absentmindedly rubbing his throat. Jeff met this with a half-hearted attempt at throwing a shoe at him.

"You can't break vocal chords, dumbass. You can, however, tear muscles. I think I must have done, they're so sore!"

"I'll help you loosen up..." Nick purred, reaching across to his boyfriend, a glint in his eye.

They were interrupted by an explosion of food coming from across the room. "Oh my god you guys, that's my bed!" Thad shouted indignantly. His mouth, however, was still full of food. That was where the explosion had come from. There came a chorus of disgusted yelps as the boys nearest him were sprayed with half-chewed crisps, Red Vines and marshmallows. Yes, Thad had been eating all of them at the same time. Needless to say, it was enough to stop Niff from continuing with their "activities" and start laughing at Jon and David, who had been unfortunate enough to be directly in front of the furious Warbler.

"Dude! Not cool!" Jon protested, scowling.

"Well they were about to have sex on my bed!" fumed Thad. He glared pointedly at the giggling couple. "Seriously, you two would start blowing each other in the middle of rehearsal if you thought no-one was looking!"

"Thanks for the idea!" Nick replied cheerfully, a cocky grin spread across his face. Thad threw a pillow at his head.

"PILLOW FIGHT!" Nick leaped up onto the bed and chucked the pillow right back at him, causing the room to erupt into full scale chaos. Pillows and cushions were flying everywhere, and in the midst of it all was Wes, standing firmly in the centre of the room and trying to tell everyone off for damaging school property. It didn't work. He even tried getting his gavel out, but after noticing the battlefield that was Thad's dorm room he decided it was too dangerous for his beloved Mr. Bang-Bang.

"What are we, a bunch of 10 year old girls with knee socks and ponies?" he scoffed. Nobody took any notice of him; they were all too busy waging war on each other's heads. Finally, David crept up behind him and shoved a cushion in his face. Something snapped inside Wes.

"Oh it is ON!" he cried, grabbing a pillow and swinging wildly. The pillow exploded, revealing various snacks inside. The two boys stopped suddenly.

"Why the...Thad, really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Thad shrugged. "I get hungry." Wes opened his mouth to say something then, thinking better of it, just sat down.

* * *

"I'm telling you dude, this is going to be all kinds of awesome." remarked David, leaning over the back of his seat. Sam just rolled his eyes and stared out the window of the embarrassingly yellow minibus.

"Come on dude, we're going to an _all-girls school_. Y'know what that means? _Lots of fit girls._"

"Duh."

David just sighed. "I don't understand how you can't be excited about this. You're our lead singer, and that means all those big, blue, mascara-laden eyes will be on you! And what are you...? Say it with me?" he made an exaggerated gesture.

"Sexy and single and ready to mingle." Sam said unenthusiastically.

There came a snort from the seat behind him. "I'm seriously doubting your sexuality right now David."

David gave Jeff a dirty look. "Shut up Sterling."

Sam just sighed again.

David turned around and looked the warbler in the eye. "Seriously, what's the matter? Normally you'd be totally thrilled about this." A thought suddenly occurred to him. "Dude, is there something you're not telling us? 'Cause you know we'd be totally cool with that. Hey, maybe you and Blaine could –" he suggested, gesturing crudely and causing Blaine to blush and look away.

"No! I like girls! Definitely like girls!" Sam shouted a bit too loudly. "I'm just not very good with them." he admitted. "I never know what to say and..." here he mumbled something they couldn't quite catch.

"And what?" David probed gently.

"And they don't like my impressions! They think they're lame and they're like my best chat-up lines!"

David looked at him, appalled. "But dude... Your Sean Connery is legendary!"

"Yeah, well, the girls don't seem to think so..." Sam muttered bitterly.

Deadly serious, David placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam... Do we need to start singing?"

The boy allowed a small smile to creep across his face. "No you really don't have to do this –"

David stood up. "Everybody now!"

"HERE'S A LITTLE SONG I WROTE!" The bus bellowed in perfect harmony.

"YOU MIGHT WANT TO SING IT NOTE FOR NOTE!"

Sam chuckled. "Ok, very funny gu –"

"DON'T WORRY!" David did a strange little dance. "BE HAPPY!" The boys erupted into a round of applause. Whether for themselves or Sam, you couldn't quite tell.

Sam stood up and accepted defeat, motioning for quiet. "Alright, I'm cheered up. Well done. And David?"

The warbler was cut short in his mini victory dance. "Er, yeah?" he said awkwardly.

"Don't let this go to your head." David started to laugh, and then, realising everyone was staring at him, sat down rather hurriedly.

"Anyway, are we ready to ROCK CRAWFORD COUNTRY DAY?" This was met with a chorus of cheering, whooping, and an "And eat all the refreshments!" from Thad.

* * *

Blaine leant against the wall, casually drumming his fingers on his thigh, bored out of his mind. This really wasn't his idea of a good time: watching his friends try (and fail to) chat up various girls. Because, really, some of their lines sounded like they came from a cheesy 70's high school movie. For instance, Wes asking one girl if it hurt when she fell from heaven. Yeah, really. That one made Blaine cover his mouth with his hand, because, honestly that had to be the most clichéd line ever. He exhaled loudly and glanced at his pocket watch. Groaning inwardly, he realised they still had half an hour before they were due to perform. He couldn't wait.

"Hey." Blaine started as a female voice came from behind him.

"Erm, hi there." he said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

"You're way too cute to be standing here all on your own. What do you say to some... company?" she purred seductively, twisting a strand of hair around her finger.

"I – I'm really fine, thanks." he stammered, subconsciously backing away. _See, this is why I like boys_, he thought bitterly, _they don't... ambush you like this!_

"Come on babe; let a girl have her fun. Love the blazer by the way... sexy." She said through heavy-lidded eyes. Leaning against the wall, she was effectively trapping him in a corner. She reached out a hand to brush the side of his face. Blaine panicked and flinched away at the touch, letting out a strangled whimper.

"Please... leave me alone..." he choked, eyes wild with fear.

"Hey!" There came a shout from behind the girl. Nick and Jeff came running towards him, looking worried.

"Blaine! Are you alright?" they asked, looking concernedly at him. They wheeled round and turned on the girl. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Jeff asked angrily, glaring ferociously at her.

The girl held her hands up in protest and tried to defend herself. "Hey, I was only being friendly!" They looked sceptically at her, and she tried again. "He just freaked on me!" Seeing their furious expressions, she huffed and sloped away to find a new victim.

"Really though, are you ok?" Nick asked. Blaine nodded mutely. "No, seriously dude, you don't look so good..." Blaine looked at his shoes. "Fine, whatever, you don't have to tell us. Just know that we care about you, and we won't judge you, whatever."

That was what did it for Blaine. He took a deep breath. "I don't think I've told you this, but do you guys know why I transferred? Why I was so touchy that first week?"

They shook their heads, sensing that this was serious. Blains started talking in a removed, expressionless voice.

"It was because, at my last school, I went to a dance with my friend, the only other gay guy in the school, and afterwards... these guys just, attacked and... beat the living crap out of us."

Nick and Jeff let out a gasp, and Blaine noticed that Jeff's eyes were slightly wet.

"Oh Blaine..." Nick was speechless. "I never thought... That was why you hated that girl touching you, wasn't it?"

"Mm." Blaine murmured, not trusting himself to say anything else.

A thought suddenly struck Jeff. "Oh my god, what did we do? During your initiation, that whole thing with the dark room, and Trent and David jumping out at you... You must have been so scared, what were we thinking?" He turned to his boyfriend, accusing himself, Nick, and all the Warblers. "How could we have been so thoughtless?"

Blaine waved him away, hating to see his friend so distressed. "No, it's alright, you didn't know."

"But we should have done." Jeff said, voice laced with guilt.

"I – Uh – Look, what's done is done and we can't change the past." Blaine said. Jeff opened his mouth to say something but Blaine cut him off. "I was fine, let's just leave it at that." The two boys sighed in resignation.

Nick was the first to speak. "Come on boys, let's go and laugh at Wes making a fool of himself in front of all the ladies. Ten bucks they walk away when he mentions his gavel."

Jeff laughed. "You are so on."

Blaine looked from one to the other. "So this is what you guys do here? Point at laugh at the straight Warblers trying to impress the girls?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Jeff said, grabbing both Nick and Blaine by the hand and skipping away, laughing.

* * *

"Hey, um is this thing on?" Sam tapped the microphone awkwardly and gulped. A sea of faces stared up at him. _Dammit why can't I talk to girls? _He thought. _Mr super-confident lead soloist... and yet when it comes to girls I never know what to say and end up looking like an idiot! I know, try imagining them in their underwear! Yeah... now I've got a hard-on. Great. Quick, think of something else! Ah, Wes making out with his gavel! Phew, that did it. Eeep, they're all looking at me... Say something!_

"Hi ladies!" They stared back at him, stony faced.

"Get on with it!" hissed Trent from behind him. "Or am I going to have to do this myself?"

Sam ignored the warbler and tried again. "Are you having a good time?"

"I will be later on, cutie!" an astoundingly pretty girl called out from the front. Sam swallowed nervously and tried to wink flirtily at her. A wave of giggles spread through the audience.

_Oh to hell with this_, he thought. "Anyway, we're the Dalton Academy Warblers," he said "And, uh, enjoy!" he hopped back into position, trying to ignore the eye rolls coming from Trent. Sam took a deep breath and started to sing, the Warblers doo-whopping in the background. Now he was into his comfort zone.

_Moving on the floor now babe you're a bird of paradise_

_Cherry ice cream smile I suppose it's very nice_

_With a step to your left and a flick to the right you catch that mirror way out west_

_You know you're something special and you look like you're the best_

He accentuated this line with a body roll, a dance move Josh had taught him. "I promise you, it'll make the ladies go nuts" he had told him. Judging by the looks on those girls' faces, Josh hadn't been wrong.

_Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand_

_Just like that river twisting through a dusty land_

_And when she shines she really shows you all she can_

_Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande_

_Hey now woo look at that did she nearly run you down_

_At the end of the drive the lawmen arrive_

_You make me feel alive, alive alive_

_I'll take my chance 'cause luck is on my side or something_

_I know what you're thinking I tell you something I know what you're thinking_

Sam could feel the buzz coming off the audience and he was loving every second of it. Unfortunately, this was where things started to go horribly wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. For the entire performance Wes had been barely singing, instead concentrating on getting the steps right, and so far he had managed it. But then Josh had insisted on including the Widowmaker – the hardest show choir dance move of them all. Wes tripped over his own feet, rolled into Derek, who stumbled into Jon, who face-planted into Nick. It was like a huge warbler domino run. Oblivious to the carnage unfolding behind him, Sam carried on singing at the top of his lungs.

_Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand_

_Just like that river twists across a dusty land_

_And when she shines she really shows you all she can_

_Oh Rio, Rio dance across_ –

Jeff suddenly careered forward, arms flailing madly and grabbing onto the first thing they came into contact with. This happened to be Sam's legs. The song came to a sudden stop with an "Oof" as the lead soloist hit the ground. The remaining warblers (i.e. those who were still on their feet) faltered, then their voices cut out all together, until all that could be heard was the hysterical laughter coming from the audience and the frantic scrambling of boys disentangling themselves.

* * *

*FLASH FORWARD*

"_Now I don't deny that the Warblers' vocals are absolutely dreamy." Kurt said with a somewhat glazed expression. "But for Sectionals I thought we needed something with a little more showbiz panache."_

_Blaine tilted his head to the side, wondering where Kurt was going with this. Glancing around the room, he could tell that the rest of the Warblers were thinking the same thing."_

"_I propose we open with Rio, by Duran Duran." Kurt finished, clasping his hands together. It was obvious he thought that this was an excellent idea. Blaine snapped his head round to look at Wes. What he saw was not good. The head council member had visibly stiffened in his seat and had developed a sort of involuntary twitch. Having to stop himself from putting his head in his hands (because, come on, it _had _to be that song didn't it?) Blaine bit his lip anxiously._

_Wes regained control of himself, took a calming breath, and replied politely "I'm sorry Kurt, but the council are responsible for song selections." Seeing the boy's crestfallen expression, Wes, being the mother hen that he is, hastily back-tracked his statement. "But, ah, we appreciate your enthusiasm, Kurt! It'll come in useful when it's you who's sitting in this seat." He smiled hopefully. _You had to give the kid credit, he really did handle that quite well, and he really does care about us_, Blaine thought, _he didn't mean to hurt Kurt's feelings, it's just... a sore spot.

_But poor Kurt looked utterly dejected, so much so that Blaine had to restrain himself from coming over there and giving the boy a hug. And a kiss. Because, god, didn't Kurt look beautiful right then – Woah! Undapper thoughts there Blaine! Mentor! _Mentor!

Great, _Blaine thought, _now Kurt thinks we're soulless automatons. Just great. _The universe just seemed to hate him today. If it had been any other song, it would have been fine! But no, because karma is apparently a bitch. _I need to tell him, _Blaine realised, _he'll understand... hopefully.

_Looking across at the council table, and the obvious dilemma going on in the head council member's head, Blaine immediately felt sorry for Wes. _Kurt didn't know,_ he thought, _how could he know about The Incident?

* * *

Sam clambered off the stage, face burning with embarrassment. _That was possibly the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me, _he groaned inwardly. _Like, ever. _He passed Wes standing motionless in a corner, in some kind of shock. He gave David a small smile as the boy tried valiantly to console him. Hearing muffled giggles behind him, he turned around to see Nick and Jeff with their hands clamped over each other's mouths. _At least it makes a nice change from their mouths, _he thought ironically.

"Come on guys, it really isn't that funny." He said with the air of a long-suffering parent.

Nick unpeeled Jeff's hand from his mouth. "Oh but it is." He sniggered.

Jeff screwed up his face in mock concentration, sticking his tongue out and crossing his eyes, whilst moving his arms and legs at random angles, before comically tripping and falling over-exaggeratedly. The two boys howled in laughter, clutching each other for support.

Sam chuckled, but remembering how upset Wes looked, quickly sobered. "Look, I don't deny that it was pretty funny –"

The boys nodded madly.

"– But Wes thinks that it's all his fault and he ruined the performance for everyone." Nick and Jeff eyed each other with guilty expressions. "You two need to go and tell him that's not the case."

Nick and Jeff pouted like two sulky toddlers. "Fine." Jeff sighed.

"Yes, dad." Nick added, winking at Sam.

Sam pretended to smack Nick over the back of the head and shooed him away. "Go now! Before he has a mental breakdown." Shaking his head a little, he turned back around. Suddenly, the same pretty girl who had cat-called from the audience materialised in front of him, causing him to jump back in surprise.

"Uh, hi." He waved at her awkwardly. "Can I help you?"

"Loved your performance." She said, inspecting her nails nonchalantly.

"Thanks." He said, not really able to say much else because _Oh my Rowling this girl was fine. _She had short brown hair with gold streaks that fell into her eyes, which were deep azure blue and rimmed with kohl. She looked almost ethereal, like a creature from another planet. A beautiful creature from another planet.

Realising that he wasn't going to speak, she continued. "Best laugh I've had in a long time."

"Yeah, that kind of... wasn't supposed to happen." He trailed off, mentally slapping himself for being so inarticulate. There was an awkward silence, as Sam coughed and looked away.

The girl sighed. "Well, aren't you going to introduce yourself? I'm Enya, by the way." She held out a hand, and Sam shook it, all too aware that his own palms were sweating profusely.

"Oh, yes, sorry!" he said, tripping over his words. "The name's Sam. Sam Evans." He pulled an imaginary gun from his blazer and smiled goofily. She stared at him blankly.

"James Bond? No?" Enya shook her head. He sighed dejectedly.

"Never mind. I guess I'll give up on the impressions."

"No, don't do that." She said, placing a well-manicured hand on his shoulder. Sam gulped. "I think they're cute." She shrugged. "I think you're cute."

Sam didn't know what to say. Enya cocked her head to the side. "You really don't say much, do you?"

"No, I do!" he said earnestly. "I just... get shy..." he trailed off, smiling bashfully.

Enya let out a soft "aw". "You really are the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Tell you what; I'll give you my number. Maybe... we could have dinner tonight?" she asked, showing a mega-watt smile.

"Yes!" Sam agreed, a little too eagerly. She chuckled softly. "Ah! I mean, whatever, yeah, that sounds cool." He recovered, trying to look like he didn't really care.

Enya started to walk away. "I'll catch you later... Mr. Bond." She called over her shoulder, winking.

Sam quickly checked to make sure she was gone, and then..."Yes!" he shouted, fist-pumping. "Oh yeah, oh yeah..." he sang, dancing on the spot.

"I'm sorry, was that the cabbage patch I saw there?" Jeff was standing behind him, smiling like an idiot.

Sam froze, and turned around sheepishly. "No...?" he tried. Jeff raised an eyebrow.

Suddenly, Sam spotted the phone in his hand. "Hey!" Jeff hastily shoved it in his blazer pocket, whistling innocently.

"How much of that did you get?" Sam groaned.

Jeff shrugged. "Enough. Certainly enough to put on facebook..." he said, grinning wickedly.

Sam reached for his phone, but Jeff swatted his hand away. "Uh uh uh." He tutted, wagging a finger in Sam's face. "We have a date to prepare you for."

* * *

**Aaaaand that leads nicely into the next chapter. Gotta get to writin'. *cracks knuckles* Or, at least, after I've watched my BRAND NEW HUNGER GAMES DVD! Woot woot.**


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